To wear heels or not to wear heels...that is the question !?!

Hey guys its that Saturday so you know what that means time for our fashion talk. I had a bit of a hard time deciding on what I wanted to talk about this week cause there's just so much in fashion to touch on, with tips and do's/don'ts.  Then I thought about My last blog post I spoke on sneakers last week so why not this week talk about dress shoes, ( Well mainly heels sorry guys this week I'm not addressing anything with you fashion wise, but maybe this will help you in the future with your lady ). Heels are just to me & to most men the sexiest thing a woman can wear ( well excluding under garments & being plain ol' naked lol ) they are that thing that turn an outfit from casual to sexy or dressy depending on the type of heel it is.  For example if a woman has on a tee shirt and jeans it's seen as everyday and casual ( laid back ) but if she throws on a pair of heels it can turn that out fit up a whole different level.

Some woman tho I've come to find out do not wear heels at all, they are to scared cause of fear of getting hurt and/or humiliated by tripping/falling. Some don't cause they think they can't learn to walk in them or feel are to heavy for them cause they maybe heavy set or on the thick side, then there is the thought that all heels hurt your feet. Then there's those as I've stated before Lost Fashion Souls that wear  heels that they know damn well they shouldn't be wearing, because they can't walk in them with out stumbling. ( I know, I know y'all probably like Chrissyy you ain't right, but y'all ain't right; fronting like y'all haven't seen it or don't do it yourselves or have friends that do it & you telling her " girl you working them shoes " knowing you lying lol ) Some heels ain't meant for everybody and there all kinds of heel size and style alternatives.

There are all kinda of heels from wedged, platform,  stilettos, kitten, cone, prism, spool ( I bet I named a few you haven't even heard of ha ) but each heel can have a different effect on an outfit. Like I said some men find heels to be the sexiest thing, so ladies,  why not have your man come home to you in nothing but the skin you were born in & a sexy pair of heels ( yeah, I'm a freak AND... Lol )

Wedged heels:

Wedge heels describe heels that run the length of the sole or bottom portion of the shoe in the shape of a wedge. This is different from other heels that only provide a heel that drops down from the heel of the foot and comes to a point. You commonly see wedge heels in summery shoes, with open toes, in slides, or in strappy sandals. Wedge heels are a popular fashion choice, never really going completely out of style. They often provide a bit more stability than the standard heel, because the wedge extends out from the entire sole of the shoe. Instead of having to balance on the point of small heel, the wedge allows you to firmly place your full heel on the ground. If you’re unused to heels, wedge heels can be a good place to start.

Platform heels:

High-heeled footwear (often abbreviated as high heels) is footwear that raises the heel of the wearer's foot higher than the toes. When both the heel and the toes are raised equal amounts, as in a platform shoe, it is usually not considered to be a high heel; tho there are also high-heeled platform shoes (example of this kind of shoe would be the popular shoes of Jeffery Campbell and Christian Louboutin). High heels tend to give the illusion of longer, more slender legs.  Shoes with platforms are definitely more comfortable, they make the arch of the shoe less severe and the platform also makes the heel seem not as high.











Stiletto heels:

They are long, thin and can have height from 2inches to 10 inches. They make the wearer’s legs look more toned, sculpted and makes them look taller.

Those are just a few examples and break down definitions of those most popular heels wore that we seen on a regular.   But here are picture examples of those you might not be to use to seeing:





Kitten Heel

 Cone Heel

 Spool Heel




If you are one of these woman out there that don't wear heels and want to learn start off small and work your way up. Even just  wear them around in the house for practice. If you happen to buy shoes that are leather and a bit tight put rubbing alcohol on a in them and walk around in them they will stretch and expand. There is also the good old trick of stuffing them with news paper, these are all tricks so you can avoid taking them to the shoe maker like I said I know times are hard these days with money.  Another way is but your a shoe a half size bigger and buy Gel inserts or cushions those are a good investment.

Oh and another tip for wearing heels – Look for booties, mary jane styles or anything that straps around your ankle.  The less your foot has to work at keeping the shoe on, the more comfortable it will be.

Sooo... Yeah guys that's my insight on heels and my friendly blogger info. Next time I'll go more in depth about what heels I like and think are stylish but this time was just some informative reading for y'all. Even some encouragement to those who don't wear heels to go head an try and a wake up call to those who think that they can wear these high ass heels ( pardon my language ) that they can't walk in at all to stop it or at least walk around at home to practice before stepping out to the club thinking you bad.

Till next time folks.

Much love <3  Chrissyy

Recipe of the day: Healthy Fried Rice..

I'm a sucker for rice. Seriously am. My mom cooks rice EVERYDAY. I'm convinced this is why I got fat. Haha. I love all kinds of rice from all cultures. Thai, Chinese, West Indian, Indian, Vietnamese. Love it all. I can eat a bowl of rice with nothing else and be one happy girl. We know I've been struggling with this weight loss. Although I've been a better eater. I realized that I would default by eating massive amounts of rice. To make up for NOT eating meat anymore. Bad idea. Back fired. That scale went right back up. *Sigh*. I've decided that for me to be successful in my weight loss, then I need to modify my favorite food dish. Rice.

Rice is one of the most versatile grain in anyones cabinet aside from noodles. My mom added different kinds of flavors, beans, veggies to her rice to change it up. And I ate it up. Theres two kinds of rice: "regular" or white rice and brown rice.

Brown Rice: Is more of a whole, natural grain. Its very popular now by health addicts. It has a mild nutty flavor and is more nutritious then white rice. More chewy in texture. Takes longer to cook (about 45 mins) and spoils faster. My favorite kind.

In my house. I'm out numbered. Mel and the kids won't touch brown rice. "Its too chewy and taste like poop" I don't know what poop tastes like but that Jae's excuse to not eat it. "I'm not touching that shxt. It takes forever to chew" and thats Mel's excuse. Its not like you can hide it in anything because of this chewy texture. So I don't fight with them. I let them have white rice and I eat brown rice. But I always attempt to mix it up a little bit. After all I want EVERYONE in my household to be healthy. Especially my big boy Mel. Last night I made dinner. Mel said he was in the mood for chicken and rice. I attempted to make my healthy version of fried rice (Mel's favorite kind). It was DELICIOUS!!! Even Jae ate it and I was shocked. I loaded it with veggies and even added eggs to make up for using white rice. LOVED IT!

Heres the recipe. I winged it. So I don't know how much everything really is. Sorry. Next time I make it I'll measure!

Healthy Fried Rice

Ingredients:

• Leftover rice
• Zucchini (chopped in bite sized pieces)
• Spinach 
• Canned corn (Drained)
• Red Onions (Chopped)
• Eggs
• Garlic (Fresh, grated or finely chopped)
• Ginger (grated or finely chopped)
• Soy Sauce (Reduce sodium)
• Hoisin (its kind of like chinese/vietnemese BBQ sauce, if you'd like)
• PAM cooking spray

Method

1. I did two egg whites and one whole egg. Spray the PAM (not a lot, maybe half a spray) Scrambled them with some salt and pepper. Set them to the side
2. Let the pan get really hot (Its best if you have a wok, which I do. But if you don't have a wok thats fine. Any pan will work) Sprayed more PAM (One full spray). Cook onions, garlic and ginger. DO NOT let the ginger or garlic burn. Has the most bitter taste when burnt. 
3. Add zucchini. Cook that until it starts to soften. We like crunchy vegetables. So I didn't let it get to soft. Its up to you. 
4. Add spinach and corn. Corn is already cooked so we don't want it turning into mush and spinach wilts quickly. 
5. Add rice. Cook all of them together. Making sure nothing sticks to the bottom of the pan and that the rice and veggies are thoroughly incorporated. 
6. Add soy sauce to taste. I did about 2 tablespoons. I didn't add a lot of hoisin. Continue to stir. Don't let it sit. 
7. Once it tastes how you like it to. Add the eggs to heat them up. 

There you go! Enjoy! Its super simple. Took me no more than 20 mins after I cooked my rice. Next time I'm gonna add tofu for myself and chicken, beef or shrimp for Mel. You can add more veggies. I actually plan on adding edemame and bok choy, maybe some cabbage. If you guys like it. Let me know! Night!

Peace && Pink.

TPN..

Spending is more fun then saving.

Hey lovies. I hope you enjoyed my sister in law Chrissyy's fashion post. The views were amaze and she's officially the fashion blogger for  my blog. Every Saturday she'll post great tips and topics about clothes, shoes, hair, jewelry and everything else that has to do with fashion. Stay tuned!

Back to my post: I have a confession I need to get off my chest....

Hello, My name is Johanna and I have no money saved anywhere. I know, I know. This is horrible. How does a mother of two not have any money in the bank? Judge if you may. Just like I said. No money save anywhere. Not in the bank, not in a coffee can, not in a shoebox, not even under a mattress. I'm embarrassed to even say that. How do I work and not have any money saved? Well, I also have another confession which might just answer my problems. My name is Johanna and I'm addicted to: spending money. 

Addicted to to spending money? Does that make sense? I'm not talking about rapper balling out of control. I'm talking about Johanna is spending out of control like she might be a celebrity. It's extremely sad. I get high when I spend money. Its like an orgasm when I swipe my debit card or even hand cash to a cashier. Sounds disgusting. 'High off of spending money?' I should be ashamed of myself. The mother of two children with no money in the bank saved because I HAVE to spend it. How did this even happen? I blame my mother Gaetane (Don't try to pronounce it. Haa. It sounds like GAY-TEEN. I still giggle when I say it). My mom. I love her to death of course. But she is a frequent spender. She's known everywhere she goes. Buys things out of want, not need. Spends because she wants to, not because she has to. If she has money in the bank, wallet, purse she's going out to spend it. She's had credit card debt that she cleaned up. Debt, such a nasty word. Sad to say she didn't learn her lesson. She too has no money saved in the bank. And I, Johanna inherited that nasty, horrible trait. How?! My dad, brothers, fiancé and even sister are Jews (Not to offend any Jew. This just mean that they are able to hold onto money without spending it.) My dad stressed to me when I first got a job how important it was too save money:

" Save $20- $50 out every check and it'll build up for a rainy day. Just incase an emergency happens you'll have some money handy."

WHAT? Impossible. Save money? Don't spend it? Pssshh, Ok dad. Thanks but no thanks. I'm blowing it. Still, he keeps stressing that I need to save money and still, I ignored him and went along my merry way to spending. I did it so well. Swipe here, cash there. Worked and refilled my money. Life is great. My mother was the same way. She was financially dependent on my dad. Why wouldn't she be? He loved to take care of her, and she loved to be taken cared of. Perfect combination. I met Melvin and Boom!. He loved to take care of me, I didn't refuse him to take care of me. Perfect combination. He paid for my books, classes, gas, everything. So instead of saving money I didn't use. I found another way to spend it. Dinners, shoes, clothes, unnecessary shxt. I didn't know the difference between needing and wanting. And that time, I didn't care. I admired my brothers and Mels saving ways. They'd have money and not touch them at all for months. I was flabbergasted. How is that even possible. To KNOW you have money and not spend it? Sheesh. That's like a punishment to me. So spent I did.  Just knowing I can buy what I wanted with no restriction made me a super happy woman. Then I got hit with "hurry up and buy" syndrome. Then I started getting emails from Saks fifth, Burberry,  Gucci and it just fueled my spending habit even more. In the back of my mind I didn't want to be like my mother. I didn't want to end up in debt. That wasn't my plan. But, actions spoke louder than words and my actions told my words to shut up. Having kids and having a my own home made my spending even worse. I brought them everything. Whether they needed it, I wanted it for them. If I had a coupon move out the way. I brought things to make my house nice. Went to Shoprite to buy milk and came out with $125.00 worth of groceries. Went to Starbucks for an iced coffee, ended up spending $20.00 on other things. Went to dinner with friends. If I had the money. Dinner on Johanna. My treat. My even greater weakness? Coupons. I got them in my e-mail, regular mail, friends, the newspaper.  If I had a coupon there was a 100% chance that I'm going to buy something. Anything. I had this rule where I told my self "You're not cheap". I associated saving money with being cheap. I didn't want to be labeled as cheap. So I spent money. My bank account was depleting and Melvin was not having it. 

" I find it fxcking crazy how you blow through a check in two days with nothing to show for it. You should be saving that money"

"My money, my business"

"It's my business also when that could be used for something better than a shirt from Burberry. How about new tires for your car?'

"Hmmm. Burberry sounds better"

"I'm done with this shxt yo. You're unbelievable. That shxts gonna kick you in your ass and I'm not gonna help when it does."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever you say Tim"

Did I care? No. No I didn't. See when Melvin is right. I say he's wrong. Or he'll use it against me for life. But, He was right. My habits were putting me in fire. After all this is a relationship, we have a family. I should be helping out. I was living paycheck to paycheck and that wasn't good. But it didn't hit me until Sunday. Sunday in the pouring rain I went to CVS with the kids to get milk. Well, my car battery died. We sat in the pouring rain for almost 45 mins waiting for Kesha to come jump my car. All I could think was "What if its not the battery. What if its something more serious. I don't have anymore to get it fixed." Luckily, It was the battery and we were able to jump it without a problem. Still, I kept thinking what if it was something more serious. I need a second opinion on my spending habits. No way was I asking Mel. He'd rip me a new one. So, I went to Guga. She'll tells me the truth. Even when I don't want to hear it.

"You're a label whore. So you spend"

"Ahem, I'm NOT a label whore. I don't buy myself clothes"

"Ok, What about your kids?'

"They need clothes"

"Label whore. You're kids don't NEED everything you buy them"

"They're growing they need clothes. I know what my problem is. Starbucks"

"If you actually looked at how much money you really spent at Starbucks, you'd be pissed as hell. It's more expensive than smoking"

"Maybe I should take up smoking"

"No, maybe you should budget your money. I write down everything I spend. That way I can track it. Make a list for the grocery store and stick to it."

Write down everything? Sounds like work. But, I know thats what I need to do to get this spending in check. I'm gonna write down everything I spend. Make a list for the grocery store and only buy if I NEED it. My three a day Starbucks will become twice a day until I can make it one a day. My label whoring must come to a halt. Labels are not important. Thats something I got from my mom. A habit I need to break. I've armed myself with the necessary tasks that'll get this into check. If I fail to save. I can only blame myself. Everything is a work in progress and I'm gonna work and progress. I'll be sure to let you guys know how its going. Hopefully it won't be as hard as I'm picturing it to be. Ha ha. Easier said then done. But, the goal is to get it done.

I'm officially hitting the save money button!

Hope you guys have a great day! Spend wisely. If you have any tips and tricks on how to save or making saving easier. Share!

Peace && Pink..

TPN..

You think you stylin' cause your wearin' J's...

Hey my social network freaks and geeks ( I'm waving at the screen lol ) I'm Chrissyy ( yes, with 2 Y's ). I'm new to this whole blogging scene soooo bare with me, but let me start by telling you a little about myself. I've always had a thing for fashion since I was a little girl ( which wasn't that long ago I'm only 24 ha).  Playing with Barbie I never was the one making her have kids or a family (nope) I always played with her making her a business  woman or a model cause I loved dressing her up. So that's how I saw myself in the future. My mom loved that about me ,  she feed my creativity taking me to go thrifting with her and showing me how to sew at a young age, putting me into modeling, ect. I'll never forget the first pair of jeans she showed me how to make into a skirt. I was so proud of it you know I had to wear it to middle school the next day (lol). Modern clothing I like but my heart beats more for vintage fashion pieces, I guess it comes from my love of classic movies and it just fit me best. But to not bore y'all with my child hood lets fast forward a bit to my reason I'm talking to guys on this very blog. This blog belongs to my very funny, opinionated, smart sisters in-law who asked Me if  I wanted to write my view on fashion so I jumped at the idea. It seemed only right, this new family we seem to be building are all complete fashion junkies in our own rights. Especial the men in our lives are major sneaker heads. My Fiance Kash (who raps by the way so check him out on sound cloud : http://soundcloud.com/da-real-kid-kash) brought back my love for sneakers that I had fell off of after high school. It's like our little love bound now which is great (enough of that mushy crap, but yeah go check his music out. Lol super fiancé promo going on lmao ).

Enough about my life thoo... My main topic for fashion this week is about dressing up your sneakers I figured its only right since this is a sneaker head family.

Ladies and gents sneakers are the fast way to making an outfit urban and fresh. Though it seems the whole world is pretty much on there sneak ish, not everyone wears it right. I know what some might be thinking, "that everyone has there own style"  but what I'm thinking is "not everyone style should happen" (lmao). Just because you wearing Jordan's or any sneaker doesn't mean your stylin', most people go super hard to match that they look so drab and boring, some just don't try to match at all it's like they got dressed in the dark or/and whatever cost them a lot of money they wear every name brand they have in their closet. Jordan's are the most popular urban sneaker that this happens with the most people go get the latest pair and make such a fly pair of kicks so corny with how they choose to dress and accessorize it. The first thing you see is the dudes polo down and then J's on their feet (Come on now that's to predictable an has been done way to much) let's try to which it up now. Here's a few quick Chrissyy fashion tips:

• Try to avoid matching with block solid colors. Try looking for a top with a print or logo that may have some of the colors in your kick if you wanna match somewhat. Look for the  least obvious color in the sneaker to match your outfit with so now that part of the sneaker pops and becomes more noticeable.

• Khaki colored pants are the best cause they make any outfit to me look stylish and cool (For you guys tho... as long as they aren't those over sized cargo pockets everywhere pants). Guys lets keep the pants slightly fitted and on our butts please, cause when they are to low it leaves all the fabric on the leg crushed up at the top of your sneaker making you look like little ghetto trolls. Cutting your pants on the side of the hems to make the pants fit over your sneaker is just ugly to me (I don't promote doing that either).

One of my  fashion favorites and tip is everyone should own at least 2 denim shirts a light and medium color in their wardrobe this goes for you ladies as well. It's a sure way to make your outfit look soho hipster fly:

• For the guys lets keep this shirt kinda fitted so you can wear closed and it looks classy and sexy or open with a cool tee or tank with it. Ladies fitted is always sexy but buying a few sizes bigger looks pretty dope to giving it that kinda tomboy "this could be my boyfriends shirt" feel... Having it a few sizes bigger gives it that room to tie it in front or to wear over shorts to look like a dress  or over leggings to cover your butt a bit there's just so many fashion possibilities).

Now ladies I wanna address the fact that most of yall that wear sneakers go that hard to show them off that y'all are matching everything down to the color of your belt and earrings. Even I've been seeing you adding colors to your weaves to match your kicks ( please STOP) that ish looks ratchet no where is it cute or should be happening at all. (If you feel offended by this you probably are one of these lost fashion souls and I'm glad I offended you cause you offend my eyes when I see that crap lol). Ladies let's keep the weaves simple and as close to NATURAL as possible. As for accessories there isn't a need to make your earring hoops match your outfit or your belt. My #1 fashion favorite accessory is bamboo yellow gold earrings.  Its even in hip hop music like LL cool J states in his song Around the way girl - " You got me shook up shook down shook out on your loving (On your loving) I want a girl with extensions in her hair, Bamboo earrings At least two pair. A Fendi bag and a bad attitude, That's all I need to get me  in a good mood. She can walk with a switch and talk with street slang. I love it when a woman ain't scared to do her thing, Standing at the bus stop sucking on a lollipop. Once she gets pumping its hard to make the hottie stop".  It just a number one fashion tip to look like a urban ( ghetto) cutie lol. Doesn't matter the size but as they say "the bigger the better" ha. But I know with the price of gold being through the roof and we are in a recession buying these gold hoops can be a tad difficult. So here's my fashion tip handed down to me: If you buy a fake pair, to avoid them changing color on you coat them with clear nail polish. (They will last you much longer).

Lastly is for the guys please, please, PLEASE... Stop it with the fake chains that is my number one pet peeve I can't deal. If you can't afford a real chain go get you a good wood chain it's cheaper and it's a dope alternative. Check out their site www.goodwoodnyc.com

 Soooo... Yeah guys thats my fashion thoughts, tips, ( rant lol ) it's just the beginning so stay tuned till next time and make sure you keep up with this blog.This family is doing big things and I love it... Sure you guys will too.

Catch y'all on the fashion flip side. Deuces ( Chris brown voice lol )

-Chrissyy

Guilt Ridden

I'm guilty for a lot of things. I'm guilty for that frigging Chick Fil A banana shake I had last night. I'm guilty for lying to Mel and telling him I lost $50 so he can replace it when I really spent it on something else (Mel, If you're reading. I did "lose" it at Marshalls..Love you! Mwahh) Anyways, I'm guilty for not working out this morning. But I'm always in guilt for the old Johanna. The old bratty spoiled Johanna that thought kids were a "gift from the devil". I hate that Johanna. She makes me feel super guilty.

I grew up a spoiled child. Still am. My biological father brought me gifts to make up for being in and out of my life. My step dad spoiled me to make me forget about my biological dad. Little did my step dad know that I was head over heels in love with him. He made my mom super happy, made us super happy, never treated me differently from any other of my brothers and sisters and we're still close until this day. Watching my parents raise us (I'm the oldest of 4) I always thought "Why the hell did they have 4 kids?" Of course I never asked. I didn't want to get smacked. I was always observant though. My dads favorite line when I was a child was "Johanna, Close your eyes". My parents did their best. They literally spoiled all of us. Childhood memories includes my dad taking me and my brother Jonel to sneaker stores to get the newest Jordan's that came out. Movies with our cousins. Birthday parties and dinners. First cars. I also heard at night (when I was supposed to be a sleep) discussions about money. Spending too much. Not having enough. My moms constant remind that "we have to provide for four kids". So while being scolded by my mom (because she found me being nosey) I silently said in my head "I'm never having kids".

I once again, was the OLDEST of four. I had three siblings that til this day still calls/texts me about anything and everything. Why did I need kids? Plus I was young. Carefree, working at Mc Donalds blowing my paychecks on Nike and T-mobile minutes. Kids were the LAST thing on my mind. Finally, I didn't have the patience. Never did and I still don't. I was selfish and still spoiled. I'm not sharing NOTHING with no cry baby, formula drinking, pacifier sucking, screaming, drooling, snot nosed child and that was that. End of story. End of that baby talk. Who has time for that? A dumbass thats who. Mama ain't raise no fool.

"Jo, I'm pregnant" this is what a friend tells me in class in H.S.

"Wow, you're an idiot" was my response. 

"Wow" 

"Wow What. You act like you have money for all of that. Because the dad is gonna be around right?"

"Damn Jo, thats a little fucked up"

"I told you sex leads to babies. I told you that, you haven't even graduated yet and you're knocked up. Yay!..Way to go".

"Johanna you're such a bitch"

"And you're such an idiot". ...

Just like that. I lost a friend in her time of need. Looking back at it. I was being a bitch. I don't even know WHY I hated kids. I really have no clue. I'd see new babies and just look at them like "Who's life did you ruin". My dad caught on early that I wasn't fond of children and said nothing besides "You're still young". Yeah, whatever. Young my ass ( Did NOT say that out loud) Haha..

Fast forward a few years to when I met Mel. Love of my life (If he's reading this). I met Mel and most females starts talking about babies. I stayed away from that subject. And when I found out he had kids from a previous relationship. I was elated. It was like "Hell yeah, now I don't have to worry about that". He'd still ask me about kids and my answer was "No thanks, not interested....ever." Until I missed my period. I knew I was pregnant. My monthly is like clock work. But still I said nothing. Ignored it. It'll come. I don't want no damn kids. The end.

"You're pregnant"

"What?! Are you crazy man?'

"Johanna, I know when someones pregnant and you're pregnant"

"No, I'm not pregnant, go away with that"

"Babe, did you take a test?"

"No, I know I'm not pregnant"

"Well, can you take one?"

"Hell NO"

I took one. Longest 3 minutes of my 20 year old life. My hands were sweaty, my heart was pumping out my chest, my face was bright red and then it turned pale white when that stick gave me the plus sign. What the french toast?!...Its broken. This pee stick is broken. So I took 3 more and every minute I waited was too damn long. This  test said "Bxtch you're pregnant" in the nicest way ever, the form of a plus sign. No. This is a punishment. Johanna shouldn't be pregnant. Johanna is not kid friendly. This can't be real life. I'm dying right now...I just died. Literally, I died in front of four EPT tests. And there they are. Laughing and pointing at me. Mocking me.

"So theres this place in Cherry Hill"

"What? That specializes in excellent prenatal care?"

"No, they specialize in excellent problem fixers"

"What? You didn't even think about it. You JUST found out you were pregnant Johanna" 

"Whats your point and I did think about it!. I thought about it all four times I waited on a yes or no from these damn tests".

"I don't believe in that"

"Thats a sad shame. I do"

"You're just evil, you should of thought about that before you had sex. Sex leads to babies. Grow up."

What did this fool tell me? Did he just tell me MY line? Sex leads to babies. No he didn't. I left on that note and drove home. Longest 20 minute drive of my life. I did my best to hide it. I had no friends in NJ. I didn't have anyone I can run to with this news so I called my friend Pat. She's known me forever. 

"I'm pregnant"

"Wait, who is?"

"Me"

"Me as in you? Johanna?"

"Yeah man"

"Wait, how'd that happen, are you keeping it, did you tell your parents? omg they gonna kill you"

"No I didn't tell my parents because I'm not keeping it"

"OMG Jo. He doesn't want it???"

"No, He does. I don't"

"Wait, Jo I know you're a bitch but really? Don't you feel a little excited that you're creating life?"

"No"

"You're crazy. You're bf actually wants to be there and your running the other way. Mind set all f'd up"

"Bye Pat"

"Think about it Jo. Love You"

Ok, She's crazy. Am I the only one who's not thinking about the future? I did my best to hide it. Raging hormones got the best of me. My mother being a mother was smarter than me. Mel wouldn't talk to me. Eventually, my parents found out and they weren't happy about it. So here I am pregnant and pissed. I cried day and night. I cried when I felt my son kick. I cried when I found out he was a he. I cried when people looked at me. I cried. I was embarrassed and pissed. My friends who knew me were shocked to find out that I Johanna was pregnant. With child, bun in the oven. I broke down. I didn't wanna deal with a child. Why am I being punished. 

"I don't want this baby"

"You know how many people say that before they meet their child? You just need to meet him."

My dad, the wise man he is. On Sunday, August 26th, 2007 at 5:45pm I laid on an operating table, with Mel rubbing my head and giving me kisses. He asked a million times if I'm okay. I told him a million and one times to shut up. At 5:50pm I heard this cry. It was a sharp cry. Like a scared cry. It was my son Jae'Mel Sayire Timberlake. He cried and cried and cried. Mel cried and I looked at him like he was crazy. The nurse asked if I wanted to kiss him and I replied "No, he's dirty" and then I passed out. I passed out from losing too much blood. I was a severe anemic and went into shock. When I woke up this damn child was crying again, and I was surrounded by family and friends. It just got real. I looked at Jae with his super light skin and super light brown eyes. I looked at my parents, now proud grandparents. I looked at Mel kissing his son. And I wept. He's here and I still feel nothing for this child. I'm just numb. I hold him....Look at him...and still feel nothing. I know he's mine. He looks just like me. So whats the issue? 

Months past. He's growing. Calls me mama. NOW I get it. Now, I understand this love. I'm his provider. He looks at me for approval. He runs to me when he's hurt. He laughs at my stupid faces. He hugs/kisses me for no reason at all. I get it now. It never clicked until now. He's my sidekick. I feel this urge to tell him "I love you a million times a day". I take him everywhere. He's my travel buddy. He's my son. He's the love of my life who i've nicknamed shorty. I get it now. I feel this urge to be a better person. Mel sees I finally get it. My parents finally see I get it. Life just got good. Needless to say Jae is a spoiled child. I spent any penny I had on him and never complained. I loved this little pudge ball. He made my life super happy.  I instantly knew what made him cry, his favorite food, favorite toy, how to comfort him. I'm a mom. I love it.Years later I gave birth to my princess Brielle Skye. These two...light up my life. Dancing with them today I couldn't help but to think that when I was younger I'd gag at the thought of having kids. The thought of spending money on kids made me sick. I look at them and feel this guilt that at one time I thought about aborting my child. How dare I. What did they ever do to me? My thoughts quickly interrupted by Jae telling me to look at Brielle dancing. My life is complete. I wouldn't have it any other way. They are my weakness. These are the only people on earth that I worry about their approval. I plan to give my life to make them happy. Just because they let me give them life. Showed me love. Never judged me. So when people I know who are pregnant start to freak out, I say "You made the decision to keep him/her. You already fell in love". And when I think about the old Johanna all I can say is "If I listened to you, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now"

I hear feet shuffling upstairs followed by Jae "Mama you coming to bed, its 5'oclock". Another way he tries to cuddle with me. Normally, I send him back to his room, but tonight I'll let him sleep in bed with us. It's the least I can do for the little boy that showed me the meaning of love.....Night!

My baby boy Jae'Mel who changed his name to JT

My Princess. Brielle

Peace && Pink..

TPN...

I'm Gonna Do it.

I had breakfast with Kristin (Pudd, Guga) on Tuesday like we do every Tuesday. We chit chat. Talk about whats on our schedule this week. Talk about any issues we need to talk about. You know friend stuff. I brought up to her about changing my hair.

:Me: Sooooo I wanna cut my hair.
:Kristin: Soooooo do it. It's hair. It'll grow back.

It's just hair. It'll grow back. And just like that. I've decided to cut my hair. I don't have super long hair. Not at all. It's long, well it used to reach down my back. I'll say I have nice textured hair. I used to get my hair done literally every two weeks on the dot. I'd hyperventilate if my hair wasn't done in a timely manner. After all it was one of the things I got most compliments on since I was a child. If my hair was done. Then Johanna is a happy girl. And Johanna always has to be a happy girl......and then I got pregnant. While pregnant with JT my hair was luscious. Down right fxcking sexy. I had fxckable hair. Long, shiny, full of body. I had porn hair. My son made my hair 10 times better then what it was before and after pregnancy. I had NO issue going to get my hair done while pregnant. Fast forward 4 years and then I'm pregnant with Brielle.

Brielle Skye. I announce it now this girl will be my problem child. Wait, before I even get to her.

I know nothing about hair. Don't ask me the difference between a perm and a relaxer. I don't know how to hold a flat iron let alone a curling iron. My definition of "styling" is wrapping it, letting it out and then sticking it in a pony tail. Ta-Da!. I was 12 when I got my first perm by a Dominican lady in a tiny apartment in my old building in Brooklyn. She permed my hair in her tiny kitchen while she cooked dinner, watched Telemundo and talked to another lady I remember by the name of Hermas. She did my hair. I loved it & I've trusted Dominicans with my hair ever since.

Brielle Skye Timberlake. My 11 month old. I got pregnant with this girl and she tore my body up. I was used to casual morning sickness. Not all day and night morning sickness. Damnit. I was used to my sexy hair that I got so many compliments on. Not this brillo pad that was now my hair. Not to mention.

IT WAS FALLING OUT. My hair was falling out and I was freaking out. So I called my mom who has 2 girls and 2 boys. "Thats what girls do. They take you're beauty" my mom says. "What the hell do you mean take my beauty? Can't I have just a little of it?". "NO. When you pregnant with a girl they take your teeth, your skin, your vision, and.......your hair". I officially think my mom is nuts. So I call my Dr.

Dr K.: "Its just your hormones. You're at the stretch a few more weeks and your body should start regulating its hormones. We'll worry if after a year and it's still falling out".

A year? Is this man crazy? He has to be. He's a man. Does he not know the magnitude of this dilemma I'm having? Needless to say a few weeks later I gave birth to a beautiful bouncing baby girl....blah..blah..blah....back to the hair. 5 months after giving birth to Bri. My hair......is still fxcking falling out. So I get to googling. Someone is gonna give me some answers. I need some damn answers.

"Hair loss occurs when your hormones are adjusting back to what its normal levels are after being pregnant. While pregnant your hair is in a nesting stage (Which is where we get that porn hair from. Its not falling out. It just keeps growing). After pregnancy and your hormones adjust your hair is no longer in the nesting stage and begins to shed. It may shed like normal or it may shed like clumps".

Oh. Thanks google. That explains it all. NOT. At this point I'm too scared to perm my hair or do anything to it for fear that I might end up bald. So, I do nothing. I just wash it at home and since my hair curls when wet. I air dry it and call it a day. Just around that time my body issues kicked in and not having my hair done took my pretty away from me. Kristin convinced me to go to her hair stylist Treava and get my hair done.  Treava does all kinds of hair: Natural, perm, weaves. So I went. Mind you I was used to a Dominican lady doing my hair. Treava did my hair and it felt so healthy. Besides feeling clean, it had body to it, shine. I loved it. She explained that you can't just use any hair products if you have different textured hair. She also explained how the Dominicans using so much heat and so little hair products geared toward repeated heat use can make hair weak, brittle and in turn....fall out. Coloring your hair and not conditioning it (Something I'm terribly guilty of. I get bored so easy that I'll color my hair every 3 months. Drastic color changes: Its currently blondish) will kill your hair and make it fall out. She made me a believer. I'm in. She's my new hair lady. But being a mom, life comes into play and I sacrifice myself a lot. So I haven't been able to get my hair done with her in a while. Not having a perm in 6 months has been killing me. I didn't want to go the natural route because I don't have the patience to deal with all of that. I've never put in a weave or even know where to start to take care of said weave so I nixed that. It's just been in a bun.

Seeing my hair in a bun and having that little heat wave the past few weeks prompted me to start thinking. I love my long hair. I love the feeling of having "a head full of hair". I HATED the fact that once it hit 70 degrees I'd sweat through my hair and want to rip it out my head because its so hard to deal with during the summer. So whats the next best solution? Chop it off. Fast forward to Tuesdays breakfast convo and my final decision. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna cut it and color it (Last time, scouts honor). I might love it or I might hate it. It's hair. It'll grow back. No biggie. Searching for a hair cut style has been fun also. I've narrowed it down to two. Mel loves my hair and tells me not to cut it, but he supports the decision. My son asks if i'm gonna look like a boy. Lawd, I hope not. That was one of my worries. Picking a cut that'll make me look boyish. My appointment is set for Friday and I'm beyond excited. I'll post pictures! Change is good.. Right? RIGHT!

I'm off to watch my Criminal Minds and Law & Order:SVU . Have an awesome night! Make sure you follow me & share with your friends!

Peace && Pink..
TPN...

Fashionista? Far from that.

I love to see a well dressed person. Female, male, or child. I love to see it. I love to read about fashion. I love to shop. I love to mix and match. Do I consider myself a fashionista?

Hell No. Hell fxcking no.

For one, at this point in time I'm having body issues. I spend my days either at the store returning shxt or at the post office returning shxt. It's gotten to the point where the clerk at the post office says "Ms. Frederick what are you returning today". Bye, you don't know me. LOL. I feel as though at this point I don't fit any of that sexy stuff these models are wearing. Yeah Yeah, "Johanna you're just being insecure" Damn right. I see females walking out and about in the streets and I ask myself if they have a mirror somewhere in their house. And then I see some females and I think "Damn I want to just stalk you in the stores and figure out how did you put that together". In that case by now you should know I have no problems giving compliments to anyone especially females. If I love you're shoes, I'm gonna tell you that.

With all my insecurities nothing shocks me more than when I'm out and someone asks me "Where did you get that". Naturally, because I am a certified sneaker junkie I automatically assume they are talking about my shoes or sneakers. So when they AREN'T talking about my shoes/sneaker I get dumbfounded. Example:

:Lady: OMG where did you get that.
:Me: Oh, I got them in New York. They're Salvatore Ferragamo
:Lady: What? I'm not talking about your shoes hun. I'm talking about your shirt.
:Me: *What I'm thinking* Arrrgh...ahhhhh....errrr...gaahhhh....burrrr  Umm Oh. Umm I got it from online also. Forever21.com
:Lady: Oh It's really cute
:Me: *Shocked look* Thank you. 

LOL. I Know. I Know. Don't judge. I don't know how to receive compliments on anything other than my hair, children, and shoes/sneakers. So if its for any other reason then that. I get thrown for a loop. But I know this much:

I know what I like and I buy what I like. I know people that stalk (in a nice way) celebrities to see whats "in". They follow fashion bloggers and celebrities to see whats new and whats hip. I don't. Don't get me wrong. If I see Sarah Jessica Parker wearing a pair of Yves Saint Laurent heels (I'm a label whore)
I'll have half the mind to get it because I like them not because SJP is wearing them...HALF the mind. I can appreciate nice things. But to buy anything because a celeb or a fashion blogger says its hip? I will not. Thats just me though. So please don't turn into Catniss and shoot any arrows. I live on websites so I'm always browsing and looking at things. So if I HAPPEN to wear something thats "in" believe you and I when I say. Its an accident. I'm not a sucker for fashion. At all. I just buy what I like. I honesty don't have the patience to keep looking at celebs and their style sense. LOL. If you do thats fine. Like I said earlier. I have friends that do. And they dress awesome. Some do retro, vintage, modern and they know how to work it. I know how to work Johanna. So if I wake up and put on a t-shirt and sweats. Thats just what it is. Sweats and a t-shirt.

IN OTHER NEWS:

• I started my workout this morning. Proud to say I got right back into the groove of things. I decided that working first thing in the morning before I take my son to school is the best bet. I'm beyond sore but I know its my bodies way of saying thank you. So you're welcome body. Lol
• I love Mondays. Its a clean slate. You can start over or start new. Think about it. Its also easier to track. 
• Did you try something new today? If you did leave a comment and tell me what. 
• Also, please don't forget to follow my blog, sign up and share! I appreciate it. 

Have an awesome night! I'm off to enjoy some sushi and stir fried snow peas with brown rice and watch Styled by June!.

Peace && Pink

TPN...

Try it.....Seriously..

First off: I apologize for not keeping up with my posts. Life got in the way and I've been thinking of new topics to blog about. I'll do better (Scouts honor)..ok back to the post:

I'm Haitian, Dominican and part Japanese. I've been eating home cooked food since I was 6 months and I've never looked back. So I have the right to say....

I'm a self proclaimed foodie.

I am in love with food. In fxcking love. If food can pay my rent and take care of me, I'd leave my fiancée at the drop of a hat. Shxt, If I had the metabolism of these models/celebs I'd eat everything and anything nonstop. I never say "I don't like it" or "eww" until I try it. I pride myself on trying new things, ESPECIALLY food. That's something my parents taught me from young and it's something I try to instill in the lovely gifts that God sent me (my kids). It's hit and miss. Hit in my daughter Brielle (who's 11 months and is open to trying everything) and miss in my son JT (my 4 year old who thinks colored goldfish is a food group). I even try in my fiancée Mel ( Who's 29 years old and will eat pork chops everyday if I'll let him). Nonetheless I try. It's always a hit for me though.

People always ask "Johanna, what do you like to eat?" Simple: Anything. I've eaten curry goat and oxtail which is a West Indian dish to octopus ceviche which is Spanish/Cuban (it's diced up octopus cooked in lemon juice with spices). I even tried eel sushi (which my palette deemed not appetizing, so I crossed it off my list). I try anything at least once. I thought I'd hate the octopus but I actually enjoyed it.

In my vegetarian journey. I was afraid I'd be eating the same thing everyday. (Tofu, veggies, tofu, veggies) To my surprise I've been able to incorporate my love of food into a vegetarian/pescatarian lifestyle and I'm extremely excited and satisfied with it.

I've come across closed minded people who sees any food that they are unsure of and say "eww thats disgusting". How is it "disgusting" if you've never tried it? (It's one of my pet peeves). My point is to TRY it. You'll never know how you feel about ANYTHING unless you try it. You can find it horribly disgusting OR you can find it pleasantly delicious. Didn't you "try" your boyfriend/girlfriend at some point in time? ( If your single then you didn't like your bf/Gf when you "tried" him/her correct?) get it now? LOL

I was against sushi. Totally against it. How can raw fish in any form be appetizing? And then I said fxck it, I tried it and fell in love. Now I crave it. Same with tuna tartare. Amazingly delicious when I thought it looked disgusting. With that said. I have a challenge for you:

Make it a habit to try something new once a week:
-You love California rolls with crabmeat?? Try a salmon roll.
- Are you a spinach lover?? Try kale instead.
- A lo mein kinda girl? Try pad Thai or Singapore noodles.
- Obsessed with mashed/pureed potatoes? How about mashed/puréed cauliflowers?

You can love it or hate it. Either way pat your self on the back for the effort. Start small and keep going. Remember its fine to not like it, you're not gonna like everything because I don't. (I will not touch mushrooms and I've tried it a million times) We're human.

Even with the kids. I tell my son he has to try it before he says he doesn't like it. That's the rule of the Frederick/Timberlake household. With that said: He doesn't like spinach but loves brussels sprouts (weird much?). My daughter doesn't like grapes but she loves the tangy/tart taste of craisins. (yeah, craisins). That list can go on. If you try something new. Let me know!

In other news this week:
• I dropped 2.3 lbs (super excited about that) I don't really track food like I should. But I've been eating healthy (scouts honor).

• It's been 21 days since I've eaten pork/red meat/chicken/ or lamb. I'm beyond proud of myself. I thought I'd never make it. LOL. But I did and I'm beyond ecstatic. Go me! I'm OFFICIALLY a vegetarian.

• I got customized license plates that says "PNKNERD". So if you see it. Honk! Lol

This week my goal is to start working out from home. I'm gonna cancel my gym membership simply because I do not have the time to go there anymore. I honestly don't. And it's taking my money. I have an Xbox kinect with games. I also downloaded some work out apps on my iPhone. I'll let you know how that works out. If you have any tips on working out from home. Let me know.

Off to watch my Sunday night line up: Khloe and Lamar, Mad Men and Ice & Coco. Happy Sunday loves! Get ready for Monday! Start of the week. I start all my new challenges on Mondays. It's like a clean slate.

Peace && Pink
TPN...